It’s been a while ..

It really has been a while! The long and short of it is I well and truly fell off the wagon .. I didn’t just fall .. I plummeted head first.  I threw a massive temper tantrum (as all divas will on occasion) and then I smashed the blasted wagon to smithereens.

Much has happened since my last blog post. Aside from the fact I put on every single one of the 43 lbs I’d worked so hard to lose, we also uprooted our lives and moved from our beloved, adopted Canada back to our home town in Scotland.

It’s been a crazy hectic year so I’m not totally surprised that my metaphorical journey to weight loss fell by the wayside to make way for the much bigger literal journey half way across the world, along with all the upheaval that entailed.

So now we’re back in Bonnie Scotland and somewhat settled .. we’re still living with my parents whilst we look for a permanent address of our own, but the kids are settled in school and nursery, and hubby has a started a new job.  Me?  Well, I’ve picked up the pieces of the wagon and now I’m painstakingly trying to piece them back together so I can climb right back on it (I’m not exactly what you’d call ‘handy’ so I’m hoping my repairs hold).

Jillian Michaels and her torture exercise programme is on the back burner, for now. Trying to find space and privacy to exercise in a full house is not easy and let’s be honest here .. no one needs or wants to see me flailing, red faced and panting first thing in the morning (or any other time of day really).  I have,  however, joined Slimming World along with my personal chef, head cheerleader, with-holder of all things chocolate mum.

Slimming World is a new concept to me .. I’ve tried Weight Watchers (oh, so many times) but Slimming World seems to offer (in my opinion) more food choices, more variety and is a little less restrictive whilst still producing the weight loss results I’m looking for. We joined our local group 26th March this year and to date I’ve lost 2 stone 3 lbs (31 lbs to those of you that don’t work in stones).

These past 17 weeks haven’t been hard going at all. Granted I’ve had weeks where I haven’t lost weight, but generally those have been weeks where I haven’t followed the plan for one reason or another (nights out, days out, or just ‘I don’t give a crap and I’m going to eat my weight in chocolate’ days). I haven’t done much in the way of exercise (see previous excuse reason), however I walk my boys to and from school and nursery (I take them both up in the morning .. walk back home .. traipse back to nursery to pick up the little one .. meander back home .. hike back up to pick up the big one from school in the afternoon .. stagger back home) .. all in all I get about 3 miles every day (not counting the detours we may/may not take). Of course, with the kids being on school holidays at the moment, I’m not getting my daily walks and it definitely shows on the scales!

All in all I’m heading in the right direction .. although I seem to have hit a plateau of late and the biggest challenge for me right now is not losing sight of my goal or the bigger picture and pushing myself through this glitch.  I have to keep reminding myself plateaus happen and they’re temporary .. although there really is nothing more disheartening than denying yourself a lovely big slice of carrot cake then going to Weigh In thinking to yourself ‘of course I’ve lost this week! Of course I have! I denied myself cake!  The diet Gods are good .. they will have seen my sacrifice and they will reward me with a mighty loss, and this epic ‘Weigh In Day’ will be remembered and recorded in Slimming World history for ever more’ .. only to see you’ve ‘maintained’ and haven’t lost a single, solitary pound!

I’m determined to get through this phase though .. so persevere I will. I want to lose another 1 and half stone (21 lbs) and I want to keep it off. I’m feeling hopeful that this is the diet lifestyle that will work for me! It’s just sensible eating when all is said and done ..  Ha! It sounds so simple .. fingers crossed!!!

Week 2 .. she’s still kicking my butt!!

I’ve been a woman possessed this week! Every morning I’ve turned on my t.v., pressed play on the remote control and faced my nemesis/ripped goddess/imaginary bff!

The rotation this week has been much the same as last week … EXCEPT only ONE workout per day! Hallelujah! The routine has been much the same too … JM tells me to push myself further, I tell her to bugger off, she tells me to work harder, I call her names that I’m not going to repeat here … I do what she tells me anyway, sweating like a beast and panting like a dog (a really unfit dog) … I try to call her more names, but I can’t breathe and so it just ends up with me blowing and huffing and rasping at her! .. and before I know it she’s telling me what an awesome job I’ve done and saying I can stretch it out! Stretch it out! Were there ever sweeter words uttered? Not by Jillian Michaels!

In truth though, I’m actually really enjoying it! I like the feeling of knowing I’ve accomplished something … something I wasn’t sure I could accomplish. This week I relished in a moment of unadulterated pride when I made it through an entire workout without stopping or begging her to stop! Oh how I basked in the glory that was me and how amazingly awesome and fit I was …. until the following day when she hit me with the cardio workout and put me back in my place! Nope, not fit, not at all! True to form she hit me with the bloody Running Man and I knew I was done for! As usual it killed me, and although I just about made it through the first Running Man (how though, I have no idea .. maybe I passed out and dreamt I’d made it through!) the next two rotations were non-starters, I jogged it out! Slacker!! Times like these I’m not sure if I’m incredibly relieved that JM isn’t in the room with me, or incredibly disappointed! I’m sure if she were here, she’d have had me zig zagging until I actually did pass out, or just until I collapsed and fell flat on my face .. and trust me when I say that either of those scenarios is more than a little likely to happen one of these days.

I’ve also come to realise, (well, it wasn’t really a big surprise to me), that I am not exactly elegant in my execution of most any of these exercises! I flail and jerk and sweat and swear! I wasn’t aware that I knew most the curse words that have spilled from my mouth over the course of the last 2 weeks! How many ways could there possibly be to tell someone a) I hate you and b) go away …  erm, LOTS!! There are lots of ways, and every single one of them involves at least one curse word that I would never say in front of my Dad!! That is the true test of a sweary word for me .. if I wouldn’t say it in front of my daddy then it’s probably a bad one! Working out with (virtual) Jillian Michaels is tantamount to stubbing your pinky toe, in that, all of a sudden you’re possessed by demons, and no matter who you are, or how much/little you generally swear, you are suddenly a potty mouth!

In other news, I quit JM’s diet at the beginning of the week. I know the program is a diet and exercise extreme weight loss deal,  but after I’d checked out some of the recipes, the ingredients I needed etc,  it didn’t really seem like it would work for my life style. No way, no how would I be able to get my kids to eat capers or any other number of ingredients on her shopping list. I’m following the basics, which is essentially lean proteins, lots of fruit and veg, light dairy and complex carbs .. no heavily processed foods or foods which have a high sugar content. It’s fairly easy to follow .. I’m not counting calories exactly, I am, however calculating the WW points and using that as a guide. I’m a WW pro .. self proclaimed, obviously, and not really nailing the ‘pro’ part as any weight that I ever lost with WW has long since come back with a vengeance!

Wine and chocolate are still not on the approved list .. however in the interest of honesty I have to tell you that coffee and diet coke made a comeback! And what a comeback it was! I missed my coffee! JM allows 400mg of caffeine a day, so I’ve been really stingy with the java and I’ve switched to 0% milk .. I can live with these compromises, and I figure in the long run a little bit of what I love is probably a good thing … I had to succumb, it was starting to look more and more likely that my husband was going to come home from work one day to find me rocking in a corner, surrounded by empty Tim Horton’s cans and coffee drinking paraphernalia .. Hi my name is Denise and I’m a Coffee Addict!

I heart coffee

I heart coffee

So now for the progress report .. drum roll if you please …. I’ve lost another 4lbs this week, for a total of 9lbs so far. BUT … and this is the thing I’m most happy about … I’m also down a whole pant size! Booyah!

Onwards and upwards (or downwards, hopefully). This coming week will bring more of the same … same rotation of workouts 1 and 2 of phase one, with cardio 1 making an unwelcome appearance mid week. Wish me luck!

Tired, sore and hungry ..

Thank God this week is almost at an end! I started the 7 day kickstart on Monday and since then I’ve done 10 metabolic workouts in 5 days! I am exhausted!  I don’t ever remember being this exhausted, EVER .. bear in mind I’ve given birth twice, two long, tiring labors .. but I have honestly never felt as depleted as I do right now.

My knee is agony, hubby had to run out and buy me a knee strap so I can do the two cardio workouts tomorrow. I’m not sure if the exercises are entirely to blame for the knee pain .. the extra weight I’m carrying probably isn’t doing my joints any good! And I’m hungry, oh so hungry .. I could eat a scabby horse! I want some real food .. or at least a piece of fruit! Anything really that isn’t a vegetable or a leaner than lean piece of protein.

So there you have it .. approaching the end of the 7 day kickstart, I’m tired, sore and hungry!! And guess what? It feels GREAT!

Every morning this week I’ve gotten out of bed and groaned inwardly at the thought of two workouts and a diet of bland food that I don’t really care for … every day I’ve gotten up, turned on the DVD player and powered through my first workout. Every day after the first workout I’ve hurled abuse at Jillian as I switched off the T.V. and told myself I didn’t think I’d be able to manage the second workout .. but every day I DID manage it!

I am actually proud of myself for sticking with this. It’s involved a few harsh talks with myself, lots of telling myself that this first 7 days is the toughest, what with the intense workout rotation and stricter than strict diet .. I have made myself look at the bigger picture. 7 days! In the grand scheme of things is 7 days really so long? It seemed like it this week, without a doubt .. but it isn’t .. it’s 7 days, and even I can do anything for 7 days!

Tomorrow is the last day of kickstart and the last double workout rotation .. both workouts are cardio, so this will be one of the toughest days in terms of the physical aspect of the program. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to completing this week, and not just because it sees the end of ‘boot camp’, but also because I can say I did it. I accomplished my first goal! I took something on, I knew it would be tough but I stuck with it.

Sunday is my rest day! Oh how I love the sound of that … REST … let’s say it again just because it sounds so bloody good .. REST!! No exercise whatsoever on Sundays, thats’s Jillian’s rule, so who am I to argue with her? Have you seen her? She’s ripped, she’d kick my ass!  So, no, better not to argue!  I really wish Jillian had also said ‘no need to follow the diet on Sunday” too, but she didn’t .. no days off from the grass and chicken … but there’s light at the end of that tunnel too! From Monday on-wards the diet is way less restrictive with the introduction of fruit and grains!! Oh good lord a slice of bread!! A banana! … it sounds like heaven! Now whoda ever thunk I’d have said a piece of wholewheat bread and a bit of fruit sounded like a good time? So now you see Jillian’s master plan, right? Works you like a dog and starves you for 7 days so when you start a new week, after kickstart, the regime of a once daily workout and a diet that doesn’t revolve around the blandest food on the planet seems peachy! .. Still not allowed peaches though, ironically.

Whatever her master plan is, I really don’t care!  I think she’s kick ass .. and if she kicks my fat ass into shape then all the better! This week has been a bitch, Jillian has been a bitch (I’ve called her worse than that this week in fact) but we all know that bitches get sh!t done! The whole point of this intense week is to kick start your metabolism and to set you up for better long term weight loss .. and so far it’s working. In just 7 days I feel a difference, better than that, I SEE a difference!

In the past I might have used my knee injury as an excuse to quit .. not this time. This time I’m putting on my big girl panties (along with my sports bra, the one that moonlights as the big top when the circus rolls in to town) and sucking it up (or sucking it in .. boom boom) .. I’ve got my knee strap and I’m ready to go! Bring it on JM!

Do it just a little bit more

Got a little bit fancy, got a little bit dancy ….

Yes .. I got a little bit fancy, I got a little bit dancy, and then I collapsed onto the floor, exhausted, and stayed there for the next 20 minutes!

Oh my lord JM is kicking my ASS!!  High kicking it in fact, with some of her fancy schmancy footwork! I’m exhausted, but I’m feeling very smug, and very proud of myself for having the motivation, and sheer stubbornness to keep going! I’ve probably said before .. 100 times or so .. this is hardcore! HARDCORE!!!! Just in case you missed that .. HARDCORE!! I know, it gets easier after the 7 day kickstart, but O.M.G, I want this part to end so, so badly!

This is the hardest day I’ve experienced on the program so far .. just to recap, this 90 day program is, in fact, actually 97 days. There is an intense “Kick-start Your Metabolism” week before you take on the 90 days. You don’t have to do the 7 days, but I figured in for a penny, in for a pound (or 50 lbs in my case!).  During this first 7 days, JM wants you to complete two of her workouts every day, one workout in the morning and one workout to be done later in the day. JM tells you which workouts to do and on which days to do them, you don’t get to pick whichever workout looks easiest (none of them btw!). Today the workouts were both cardio, and her cardio workouts are TOUGH! Up to this point there has only been one cardio workout per day (the afternoon workout), but not today! Hooray hurrah! (I know tone is hard to convey in type, but insert sarcasm here!)

JM beat me, and left me bruised and bloody with her running man and suicide … there is a reason she has an exercise called suicide, mostly because it feels like you are actually committing suicide! Or it makes you want to commit suicide .. either way it is intense.

When I woke up this morning I was really sore. I literally ached from head to toe , but I dragged my sorry, achy butt up the stairs (every, agonizing one of them), turned on the DVD player, checked the workout rotation for today and then I nearly burst into tears! TWO cardio sessions! … I had no idea how I was going to get through them both .. but I DID!! Yay me! I did it! … So, yes, I am basking in my smugness!! But never fret, I’m sure the pain will kick in soon and sort that out, if not then Jillian will hand me my ass again tomorrow and I guarantee you I won’t be feeling so smug as she yells at me to move faster, work harder, give it more .. do it, do it .. DO IT!!!

I did a sneaky mid week weigh in .. shhh! I know, I’m not supposed to, and I did promise myself I would only weigh in once weekly, but if I’m working my butt off and eating like a bird, then I wanted to know it was working .. I’ve lost 5 lbs already .. in just 3 days!! I know that most of what I’ve lost so far is water, but still, it gave me a little boost and even more incentive to keep going.

This is tough, I won’t lie to you, but anything worth doing in life is tough, and for me this is worth it. That old cliche ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ has never seemed more true to me than it does right now. I’m tired, I’m sore, I’d kill for a creamy coffee and a chocolate chip cookie but I am over the moon happy, and crazy proud of myself.

On the subject of chocolate chip cookies … here’s what was on the menu today (you’ll notice no chocolate, or chips or cookies .. or any combination of the three)

Breakfast: 2 eggs scrambled, 1.5 oz smoked salmon, a little red onion, handful of spinach and a few chopped chives – it was delicious and didn’t seem like diet food at all.

Scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, spinach, red onion and chives

Scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, spinach, red onion and chives

Lunch: vegetable soup made with carrots, zucchini, onion, garlic, oregano, butter beans (lima beans), chopped tomatoes and low sodium vegetable broth … I also added a little chicken (which I poached in water seasoned with lemon zest and basil) .. this was also pretty tasty, and after my 2nd cardio workout, it went down a treat!

Vegetable soup with poached chicken

Vegetable soup with poached chicken

So there you have it .. another day down, another 2 workouts complete .. so in the famous words of one of my great icons, Dory, I will ‘just keep swimming!’

Day 1 .. it’s all down pant sizes from here!

You know that saying ‘go for the burn‘? .. well if that is the object of Jillian Michaels’ workouts then not only did I burn, I incinerated!! Mission accomplished, JM! Well played,  you sadistic bitch/ripped goddess/new BFF (depending on if I’m pre, mid or post workout)!

Days 1 through 7 are intense.  JM has you working out twice a day and on a very restricted diet. If it ain’t leaner than lean protein or green and leafy it’s off the menu.  The object is to kick start your metabolism. She eases up a little after this initial week, only requiring you to workout once a day and with a more inclusive, less restrictive diet.

I am beat! Well and truly done .. God help me because I’m only on day 2 and already I’m struggling to lift my arms! The boys wanted cereal this morning, they were outta luck though because we keep our cereal at the top of our pantry and there was NO WAY I was lifting my arms that high today .. so they had to make do with toast, and that was only because the bread was conveniently sitting on the counter, usually our bread is kept with the cereal. If the bread hadn’t been on the counter my kids would have dined on a breakfast of soup crackers and neon gummy worms! The breakfast of Kings (and little boys with a mummy so unfit that 2 days of working out causes her to lose the use of her arms).

I’m definitely missing my coffee and diet pepsi, but it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  Bear in mind you are talking to a hardened coffee abuser drinker here! I expected more withdrawal symptoms, headaches, irritability and the like, but nope, nada! I’m drinking lots of green tea and water though so that might be helping … who knows?

This program is hardcore, and it makes me laugh every time JM says these first workouts are the easy part! Well, I say it makes me laugh .. more accurately, it makes me groan inwardly .. I have no strength or breath to laugh, and even if I did manage a half hearted chuckle, I suspect it would hurt like a bitch because my abs (yes I have abs, they’re buried under the fat) are killing me! I feel like someone went all Muhammad Ali on my stomach!

Jillian is pretty motivational during the workouts, just when I get the point where I think to myself “if she makes me do the running man one more time, I’m gonna do the running fat chick right at her!” she tells me “You can do it! You know you can do it! If you have a reason ‘why’ you can tolerate any ‘how’ … just remember ‘why’ you’re doing this” … and she’s right, and suddenly I don’t hate her with every aching fibre of my being any-more, suddenly I love her for keeping me on track and for reminding me why I’m doing this and reminding me that the intense workouts, the blander than bland diet and the fact I’ve temporarily lost the use of my arms and legs, is my choice.  This is a choice I made for myself because I knew I couldn’t continue down the chocolate brick path I was on.

Talking of food, surprisingly I almost enjoyed my lunch and dinner yesterday.  Maybe my pallet is ahead of the curve .. or I’m just trying to convince myself that I actually enjoy eating like a rabbit (albeit a really well fed rabbit who occasionally likes a bit of steak with her lettuce).

Lunch was a chef’s salad: 2 cups of mixed greens (I went with baby spinach and arugula), baby tomatoes, steamed broccoli  1/4 of a red onion (sliced paper thin), 3 oz tin of light tuna, in water, 1 hard boiled egg & 2 tbsp dressing.Image

Dinner was steak: 4oz sirloin steak, seasoned with pepper on a bed of baby spinach with a side salad of plum tomatoes, 1/4 red onion, 4 black greek olives (roughly chopped) all tossed in 2 tsp olive oil and 2 tsp balsamic vinegar.  I have rediscovered olives as a result of this diet and I still loath them.  They taste like death, with a hint of old man’s sweaty vest.Image

Day one done and dusted .. so far, so good .. or at least so far, not so bad.

The day before the Big Day

Well D-day is almost here.  I am so excited to start JM’s Body Revolution. I have a feeling the next 90 days are going to be hard hell, and I’m going to get my butt well and truly handed to me .. that is what I need after all!

This first week will be the most extreme and the most intense, but thankfully, Jillian’s program includes a complete 7 day menu and a helpful grocery list (which I just finished printing off). Once the hubs is done in the shower we’ll head out and stock up for the week.

We did venture to the store yesterday .. but that was an entirely different kind of a trip! Basically I did a mad dash around the store, like one of those manic housewives on Supermarket Sweep who has a weird crush on Dale Winton (swiping whole shelves of food into the cart and stuffing cookie dough into my bra).  I came home with a bag full of everything I love .. all my lovely guilty pleasures.  We had chocolate, we had wine, we had sour cream and onion pringles .. Oh My!

Cover of "Defending Your Life"

Cover of Defending Your Life

It was the goody bag from Heaven (the way I imagine Heaven to be) .. a bit like that movie ‘Defending Your Life’ … if you haven’t seen it, you should! Everyone gets to eat whatever they like and however much they like and they NEVER gain weight!!! Sounds like Heaven to me! Boy, oh boy I really went to town. I could have charged people money to watch the spectacle that was me with my face covered in Fruit n’ Nut, a trail of Pringle’s crumbs leading the way to my secret shame (not forgetting the crumbs that always end up in your bra, the ones that you don’t notice until you take your bra off and ten Pringles fall out), one Hershey bar in each hand, and sucking rose wine through a straw (because, you know, no free hands).  At one point I did suggest tying a bag around my nose, like a horse, and just letting me go at it with gusto. We also treated ourselves to a curry from our favourite take out place. It was a-maze-ing .. admittedly, I did feel a little like a stuffed pig after I’d gorged on all my treats, but it was totally worth it. I wanted to go out with a bang (although going out with a ‘pop’ seemed more likely if I hadn’t stopped eating when I did!)

This morning was a brunch of warm, gooey cinnamon buns and hot, steamy coffee. It was delicious … mmmm warm toasty cinnamony goodness (badness, actually). I ate two buns and could have easily eaten a third but I (resentfully) let the hubs and kids have some too and they all got gobbled up. The plan tonight is to watch the Following (I LOVE that show) Kenny and I will burst open a bag of chocolate covered pretzels (chocolatey pretzely crack) and finish off the vino we popped last night .. then it’s adios, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu (is it just me or do I sound like a Von Trapp?) to my crappy diet of sugar, fat and all things bad! Don’t get me wrong .. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my weekend of binge eating and gorging and doing it all with a (relatively) clear conscience … but I can’t wait to get started tomorrow!

Who knew I’d be so excited to start a diet and exercise program?! …. Let’s just hope I still feel the same at 6am tomorrow!

Gooey gooey goodness!

Gooey gooey goodness!

PCOS and me

I’m really conscious of not making excuses here, so I won’t say that I’m fat because I suffer from PCOS, but I will say that it’s a factor.

For anyone who doesn’t know or hasn’t ever heard of PCOS .. I’m not surprised. There is more information and a growing awareness these days but it’s by no means well known to many outside the circle of sufferers and their long suffering family and friends.

PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It’s a hormonal disorder with side effects ranging from annoying to downright devastating.  For some women it’s little more than irregular periods and mood swings … for others it’s absent periods, hirsutism, infertility issues, weight gain, difficulty losing weight, depression and acne. It also puts sufferers at higher risk for adult onset diabetes, cardiovascular disease and uterine cancer.

I fall in the more severe category but count myself pretty lucky … as with everything in life, I have it easier than some and not as easy as others. Infertility issues haunted us for 7 years before I finally fell pregnant with our first son. Our second son followed soon after. PCOS isn’t necessarily a guarantee you won’t have kids, but it sure does make things difficult for a lot of us. When I was diagnosed 17 years ago there was very little known about the condition. A GP delivered the news and told me I had a less than 5% chance of ever bearing children .. my boys are my miracles in more ways than one.

I also suffer from hirsutism (excess hair on my face) .. it’s an embarrassing condition and one that’s caused me more than a few weepy moments over the years.  Again though, I consider myself pretty fortunate. It’s not overly noticeable because the hair is fair, and it’s pretty easy to ‘take care’ of … although, if I ever did leave it for a week I’d expect the local circus to show up at my door on a recruiting mission for their new ‘Bearded Lady’!

For me the biggie these days is the weight issue, I know that PCOS will make losing weight an uphill struggle, but it’s been done before.  In point of fact, 2 of my friends and fellow PCOS sufferers have had massive successes lately and they’ve really been my inspiration to get off my ass and do it too.

The link will take you to a fab blog by one of my girls, she’s a true inspiration and a force to be reckoned with!

It’s actually been proven that weight loss can help with some of the PCOS symptoms, a low GI diet is supposed to be particularly beneficial to PCOS sufferers, I have a friend who has had great success with a diet based on that theory.

So there you have it … everything you didn’t know, and didn’t care to know about the ugly world of PCOS and those of us who dwell there.

Many years ago I read an article online, I can’t for the life of me remember where or who wrote it although the last paragraph has always stuck with me:

“Fat, hairy, spotty and infertile … PCOS sufferers are the Cinderella’s of the gynecological world!” 


Farewell old friends …

This image was selected as a picture of the we...

This image was selected as a picture of the week on the Czech Wikipedia for th week, 2007. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Homer Simpson

Homer Simpson (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve done my research, looked over the diet, the exercise DVD’s (give me strength!) and I’ve got myself mentally prepared to give up my three great loves .. coffee, wine and chocolate (okay, my husband and the boys are actually my three great loves, but the good stuff scores pretty high too).

This weekend is going to be messy. It will probably involve me lying face down in a puddle of the afore mentioned coffee, wine and chocolate, because I am going to indulge, indulge, indulge and then indulge some more, before bidding them all a fond farewell … We had some good times, some great times actually, but the fact is I need to start making better decisions! Will I ever drink another cup of coffee again? .. is Jeffery Dean Morgan the sexiest man alive? And yes, I daresay I probably will enjoy a glass or two of plonk on occasion too (occasion being an actual occasion and not just a celebration of the weekend, or the kids bedtime – a fist bump or a high five will have to do for that) .. but chocolate, ahhh my old friend! .. chocolate and I may have to part ways for some time! My relationship with chocolate is not a healthy one. It’s as dysfunctional as it gets! .. chocolate is the asshole ex I keep taking back, the ‘friend’ who only calls when they need something … chocolate is my nemesis! It’s the Darth Vader to my Luke Skywalker, the Lex Luther to my Superman … the Ned Flanders to my Homer Simpson … okay, maybe not the last one, but the first two definitely! I need to cut all ties and be done with it, at least until I learn that one square doesn’t HAVE to lead to a giant bar as big as my head!

I am pumped! Totally, utterly pumped and I cannot wait to get started! This year is going to be the year I did it … you bet your ass it is!Image